Remember when Pelicans seemed like a strange name for an NBA team? Well, that’s nothing compared to the news that came out of Fed Ex Forum this Sunday night. Apparently, this will be the last season that the professional basketball team in Memphis will be referred to as the Grizzlies. In the 2013-14 season, and for the foreseeable future, they will be known as the Memphis Care Bears.
According to a team insider who wished to remain anonymous, there was a growing fear that term “Grizzlies” gave off a vibe that was too aggressive, and scared away small children. To combat that, the team looks to adopt a more soft, fuzzy image. According the source, they were inspired by the Denver My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magics of the National Football League.
This has lead to some speculation as to what Care Bear personality each player on the team fits into. Obviously, as the team’s assist leader, Mike Conley would be Share Bear. Due to his ever-present smile, Zach Randolph is a natural fit to be Laughs-A-Lot Bear, although if you cross him, he may morph into Beat Yo Ass Bear. Granted, this was not one of the characters in the original series, but the Grizzlies/Care Bears PR department is working with the producers of the original TV show to fix that.
Tayshaun Prince would likely be Bashful Heart Bear, since he’s a bit unsure about when to shoot the ball, while Tony Allen would be Do Your Best Bear, since he always gives 110%. Finally, Marc Gasol would be Baby Hugs Bear because….i don’t know, he just seems like a really hugable guy. In case you’re wondering, all of this is according to the Memphis Care Bears PR director who is currently holding a loaded pistol to my head.
The organization says the expect some of the fans to be angry about this move, but that it’ll eventually blow over, just like how everyone on Facebook gets super mad when they change the layout, then forgets about it after two days. The PR representative noted that many sports teams that seem peculiar in modern times, and when you think about it, this isn’t really that much of a departure.
“Seriously, what the hell is a Laker anyway?” the source asked. “And what would it be doing near Los Angeles?!”
In late June, after the season is done, a giant Memphis Care Bears launch party will be held at Fed Ex Forum, where the team’s dazzling, colorful new uniform scheme will be revealed. Also, the first 1,000 fans to arrive will receive a free Bashful Heart Bear/Tayshaun Prince bobblehead.
Lastly, if you believed any of this, I strongly urge you to have a look at your calendars. Happy April Fool’s Day Grizz Nation!