NBA Comedy Monologue: Phil Jackson


Rep. Pat Garofalo is under fire for tweeting that if 70% of NBA teams folded tomorrow, nobody would notice a difference except the increase in street crime. The other 30% would play for the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Former Memphis Grizzly O.J Mayo has been suspended one game for hitting Greg Stiemsma in the throat. This marks the first time Mayo has hit a shot this season.

Steve Kerr has been named as a possible candidate to be Knicks coach if Phil Jackson is hired to the front office. Kerr will teach the team how to stand off to the side and shoot threes, in other words similar to current Knicks play.

Andrew Bynum is rumored to make his Indiana Pacer debut this Friday the 14th. Bynum will have a valiant comeback, and then return to the inactive list on the 15th.

The D-Lakers held the Clippers to a franchise low 142 points this week. They set the tone early starting Kent Bazemore and playing Robert Sacre over 5 minutes.

Top 10 Reasons The Knicks Haven’t Signed Phil Jackson Yet:

1) Carmelo Anthony heard Phil Jackson’s nickname Zenmaster and demanded the Knicks let the Rockets sign him instead.

2) James Dolan somehow confused Phil Jackson with Isiah Thomas and retracted the offer.

3) The Knicks let Phil Jackson sleep on it, and then called at 3 am to inform Jackson they had signed Mike D’Antoni.

4) Why use the triangle, when you can use the ISO?

5) Jackson convinced Dolan to pay him the same amount of money and years as a Knicks consultant instead.

6) Half the team took the term triangle literally.

7) Jackson’s system requires the point guard to stay back and shoot threes. The Knicks preferred Raymond Felton’s method.

8) Jackson believes in a calm approach, occasionally featuring mind games to get the most out of his players. Dolan believes in signing Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury.

9) Carmelo Anthony gave Phil Jackson the same vote of confidence he gave Mike D’Antoni and Jeremy Lin.

10) The Knicks didn’t have enough left to pay Jackson after they worked out Allan Houston’s still monthly payments.

Till next show my friends! I’m Nir Regev.

Tags: Memphis Grizzlies New York Knicks Parody Phil Jackson Satire

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